Ok so it's time for a "serious" entry. I've had this entry brewing for a while now. Excuse me while I vent a little bit.
Sometimes I feel like a single mom. I've been married for 9 years on monday, and still sometimes it sure doesn't seem like it. The feeling mainly happens during school functions for my boys.
My husband does NOT attend school functions. Ever. I can tell you that he's attended a school function exactly 2 times. TWICE! My oldest son is 8 years old and going into 3rd grade. So he's gone Twice in the almost 5 years of a kid going to school.
If you're on my facebook you already know about this, but I'm going to tell the story again for everyone else.
The other day my older boys' school had a "end of the year picnic". It started at 5pm and afterwards they were having a "parent vs staff kickball game." Now of course I wasn't planning on participating in that, but I wanted to go to the picnic with the boys so they could celebrate the end of the school year with their friends and teachers. My husband didn't really give me a hard time about going which was surprising. I packed our picnic lunch, got a blanket, got everyone ready and after talking to my husband we decided to walk up to the school to avoid trying to find a parking spot. We walked up to the school and as soon as we got there my husband said "are you sure you want to do this? We can just go home you know and not deal with this." I told him of course I wanted to do it and to suck it up. We set up our blanket and the boys started saying hi to their friends and everything. We ate our dinner and 10 minutes later I said to my husband "we should have driven, it would have made it easier to take everything home." My husband then said to me "Do you want me to go get the car and come right back?" I said "if you want to." So he said to me "Ok I'll go get the car, I'll be back in 15 min." He got up and walked down the street to the house. The older boys ran off to play with their friends and Avery and I started watching the staff vs parent kickball game. An hour and 20 min later the game was over and everyone was starting to clean up their stuff and leave. Needless to say my husband still hadn't come back. I packed up everything and grabbed my cell (which I am SO glad I brought being hubby told me to leave it at home) and called my husband. He answered the phone and before I could say anything he said "I'm on my way." He pulled up a minute later and got out of the car with this big smile on his face. I was SO mad. I told him how ridiculous he was and how I couldn't believe he would leave his wife and kids at a picnic and say he'll be "right back" and then not come back till I called him to come get us! He claimed he didn't want to be there and that the kids told him they wanted to stay so he just stayed home until we were ready to come home.
Most of the time he just refuses to go.
If it's not an evening activity then it's always the excuse "I'm at work I can't". He's never gone to a "dad's and donuts" morning at school. Never gone to a concert, awards assembly, teacher conference, etc etc.
Now I completely understand how he gets up for work at 4:30am. I understand how most fathers don't start work till 9am so being "an hour late" isn't an option for my husband. These other dads can just tell work they'll be a little late. By the time they start work my husband is half way done with his day. He doesn't think there's any point in going in at 5am and leaving work at 9am to go to a school function and then going back to work at 10 and being there for another 2 hours.
But don't you think it would mean THE WORLD to the boys?! If their dad showed up for these dad and me functions or their concert or when they get an award? Even if dad went on a field trip once a year instead of mom doing it.
I try my best to do everything I possibly can when it comes to school things with the kids. I can't get to everything for everyone being that I have 3 kids in 2 different schools having functions. But I attend 90% of their things. And I attend them alone.
What brought this up for me today is the fact that today is my kindergarteners end of the year/kindergarten graduation family picnic and party. Of course I'm going to be there! And when I think about how many fathers will probably be there. Some in suits and ties, some only there for an hour of the 3 hour event, but still showing up. Some who took the day off for this celebration. And where is my son's father? At work. Didn't say a word to my son about his "big day" today. Didn't tell me to make sure to take lots of pictures. Didn't do any of that.
Tomorrow my almost 3rd grader has his end of the year party and family picnic. He then has a concert right afterwards. Does my husband plan on being there? No.
I'm sure the school (and parents at the school) think I'm a single mom.
And it's times like this that I feel like a single married mother.