Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Pour My Heart Out - On being a mom to boys

I'm linking up this week for Pour your heart out with Shell. Go read other posts pouring their heart out too!

I have 3 boys.  That's no secret.  I seriously can't tell you how many times I've gotten comments from people about having all boys.  Things from "all boys huh?!"  to "what you didn't want a girl?"  There's been some stupid comments, and some very funny comments. 

Being a mom to all boys is something that only another mom to all boys can understand.  It's almost like there is this secret "bond" there that us mom's of boys have.  You know that "wave" all motorcyclists give each other?  Or even the "nod" that happens between guys wearing the same team jersey.  Moms of boys belong to their own little club.

When I got pregnant with my third child and found out it was another boy there was a lot of feelings that went through my head.  I wrote a blog entry about it, and this is what I said....

When the lady said during the ultrasound "Do you know what that is?" when she scanned over the penis, My heart sank. I immediately knew, hell I've seen it twice already. I said "It's a boy." and gave a huge sigh. She said "yep, there's the penis". Roy patted my thigh and asked if I was ok. I said "I'm ok" while holding back the tears. We went through the rest of the sonogram, and saw everything perfect and normal. We heard his heartrate (at 160 bpm) and I said outloud "That's girl range...I'm really upset". Roy patted my leg again, and we continued on. She listened to the blood going through the umbilical cord, his chest, his brain, etc. Everything showing perfectly normal. She got pictures of his fingers, toes, face, etc. All which show a lot better on my pictures then they scanned in. She said because of the size of my other two boys she wants me to come back in 6 weeks for another sonogram, and in 6 weeks after that for a final one. As of right now he is measuring right on schedule at 20 weeks. He weighs 14 oz. All my tests for cystic fibrosis, down syndrome, etc have come back negative and normal. He's perfect.

As we left the hospital and walked down the sidewalk Roy grabbed my hand and asked if I was ok. I said "I'm better than I thought I would be." And while we walked to the car Roy kept saying "it's ok" and " I wanted a girl too" The tears started to fall (as they are while I'm typing this now) and I said "I still want a big stork in the front yard" Roy said "why wouldn't you get it?" And I said "Because you said only if it was a girl could I get it" and Roy claims he doesn't remember saying that, and that I could definately have one. Part of me knows he doing it just to make me feel better.

We got in the car and I called Christine (my neighbor) I said "you know those girl clothes you have?" and she said "The girl clothes? you need them???" and I said "you can get rid of them." She squeeled and then laughed and asked if Roy was giving me the emotional support I needed. I told her yeah, and she said how happy she was for me. I hung up with her and Roy called his boss. He said to his boss "what is the only thing you have that I don't? Besides a 10 inch penis" (LMAO) Then Roy said "yep a third boy". **sidenote** Roy's boss told him not to try for a third because he ended up having a third boy when they tried for a girl and his exact words were "I love my youngest son, but if I had to do it over again I wouldn't do it." So Roy's boss laughed at him and then they hung up.

Roy asked if I wanted to go out to lunch before my next appt and I said yeah. He took me to Rocky Run, which is one of my favorite places to eat. While we ate lunch I called my dad and told him. He said "another boy, how wonderful congratulations!!" and called my mom who said "oh lord." and "All that matters is that he's healthy and perfect, god forbid should it have been a girl and something been wrong."

We ate lunch and talked about nothing really. It was nice to get out without the kids, and have a conversation that had nothing to do with kids.

Went to my 20 week OB appt and heartrate was 156, BP was normal, I've gained 8 lbs so far, and the doctor asked if we found out the sex and I said "yeah it's another boy" and she kinda smiled and said "You have half of a baseball team now!"

We went back to MIL's and her response was "You're gonna stop after this one right? you aren't gonna have like 10 trying for a girl are you?" My jaw dropped. Roy looked at me then said to his mom "First of all how many we have is none of your business. Second of all I'm not talking to you right now about something that may happen a few years down the road. (this surprised me for a few reasons. 1) Roy has always said that after the third is born 2 months later he was getting snipped. And 2) that left the option open for always trying again in the future if we decided to do so)

We came home instead of going to the ren faire, and later friday evening I called my mom again. I told her what my MIL had said and my mom said "Heather, would you seriously think of having a 4th?" And I lost it at that point and said "Mom, the rational side of me says no way, but I don't know if I could honestly live without ever having a daughter." And my mom said "You could have 6 before you had a girl" and I said "I know, and that's why part of me says no" and she said again how he is healthy and that's all that matters etc etc. I said "I don't know why everyone is so god damn happy that it's a boy" and she said "Because he's healthy."


I told my mom that "I sincerely hope I wake up tomorrow morning and I'm happy and excited about another boy". She said "well maybe not tomorrow...but it will happen."

Now, there's no way I could imagine my life without my third son.  He is seriously the best thing to ever happen to me.

Three months after I had my third son my sister gave birth to my niece.  When my mom squeeled with delight and then went to see my sister as soon as she got home from the hospital I questioned why she would do that but completely ignore the fact that my son was born 3 months before that.  Her response was one I will never ever forget.

"He's just another boy Heather.  Nothing special about him.  This one is a girl!!"

Now that I'm pregnant again and will be finding out the sex in just about 2 1/2 weeks all these feelings are starting to come up again.  I've been trying so hard to prepare myself for the fact that it is very possible, and most likely will be another boy.  How will I handle that?  Will I be ok with that news?  Can I get just as excited about this boy as my other three?

One thing I do know is that boy or girl I will/do love this baby just as much as I love my other boys.

And if it is another boy, I know that all the other moms will only boys will continue to give me the secret nod/shake/wave and we'll continue to be able to know that only us other moms of only boys know exactly what each other is feeling like.


Shell said...

Oh girl- for a lot of this, you took the words right out of my mouth. I don't know how many times I've said that being a mom to boys is like its own crazy club.

I have three boys. And we are done. It's amazing the comments that I've gotten, like "If you KNEW you'd have a girl, you'd have another one." And the looks of pity. It's so irritating. I LOVE my boys.

I did have a little pity party for myself at never having any cute little ballerinas and girly stuff in my house, but that's completely different from wishing I could trade one of my boys for a girl- which is what most people don't understand.

Thanks so much for linking up! From one mama of 3 boys to another- I totally get it!

Valerie! said...

I still think about your mom's reaction to your son and your sister's daughter. That just breaks my heart, even hearing it now, three years later. I'm so sorry, that's a horrible thing to say.

I can't believe people even think it's any of their business to comment or ask questions about you having three boys. That's silly. I don't know, maybe it's because I'm not a mom myself, but it has never once occurred to me to even so much as think something like that, much less say it out loud. How crazy that people sit there and analyze your child situation! Idiots! I'm sure it's not always meant to be harmful, but it would be hard not to take it as such.

Anyway, Kel is number four of four boys and his mom said she used to always want a girl, but she had four healthy, happy sons, and she wouldn't want it any other way!

Nati @ I will praise Him said...

Wow, thanks for sharing and being so honest about your feelings.

It's horrible what your Mom said but I'm so happy to hear that you love all 3 of your boys so very much!

Jenny a.k.a Mopper of Spilled Milk said...

As a mother of 3 boys and PROUD of it, I think 4 boys would be awesome. We are thinking of adopting our 4th, and given the choice we would choose another boy over a girl.
Some people need to learn how to keep their opinions and thoughts to themselves and think about what their words do to others.
You are a fantastic mother and it takes a very special woman to be the mother of all boys. You are right when you say that there is a "club".

Bits-n-Pieces said...

When I was just starting out having a family, I wanted 3 boys and THEN a girl. I always said that once I had a girl, I was done. Only 1 daughter for me, whether she be first, second, third, or fourth.
It turns out, she was my 3rd, and my last!
All these past 10 years, I still wished tho, that I'd had 3 boys first, then her. And lo and behold, if God didn't know exactly what He was doing, b/c the man I just married has a boy....older than my oldest! So now, I have that 3 boys/then a girl combination I always wanted!
Everything for a reason sweetie....I truly believe that!