Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My NICU baby

So after what seemed like an eternal wait Andrew Jacob was born on Friday November 19th 2010 at 1:45pm.

The c-section went well. We are glad that we had the baseball team of specialists in the OR as I did have a lot of scar tissue and I did have a lot of adhesions. I had signed the papers to agree to a tubal while in the OR but it didn't matter anyway as they were not able to get to my tubes. The doctor said there was to much scar tissue and because Roy has had a vasectomy already he had told me beforehand that he would just do the tubal if it was easy to do. He wasn't going to add any risks to me or fight his way in there. He told me after the c-section that he basically just did what he had to do. He got me open, got to my uterus, got Andrew out and closed me up. He said that was the most important thing and he wasn't going to add any risks to me without needing to. I was SO happy that things went so well.

Going into this c-section I was SO scared. I knew the risks, I knew what could very possibly go wrong. Before I went in I made sure I had kissed my kids and told them I loved them. I made sure I told Roy what to do if something happened to me. I was just very nervous and everything about this c-section. So when I was on the table and they said they were done and were closing me up I started tearing up.

We joked during the entire c-section about how everyone was to yell "It's a GIRL!" when Andrew was born even though he was a boy. I told my doc that I'd never heard that said during a c-section and I wanted to know what it sounded like. LMAO One of the nurses told me she was going to tell me "Surprise it's triplets!" I told her "that's fine as long as at least one of them is a girl!" LOL

When Andrew was born my doctor said "ok here you go, even though it's not true...."It's a girl!" LMAO! The other specialist was like "OMG is it really?! I didn't see what it was when we pulled the baby out!" And we all said at the same time "Nope sorry to disappoint you, but it's a boy." LOL

Andrew came out screaming. I listened to him crying for a minute and listened as the nurse's said how HUGE he was, then listened as they said how small he was. I was telling Roy I didn't understand. One of the nurses came over to me and said they were bringing the NICU team in to take a look at him and my face must have dropped because she looked me in the eyes and said "I'm calm, you're calm." "you don't see me running around do you?" "You don't see him being rushed out of here. The longer he stays in here the better!" And I just started crying and nodding my head.

I saw them wheel an incubator by my head and started saying to Roy "what's wrong with him? what's going on?" and Roy told me he didn't know that he couldn't see the baby because there was to many nurses around him. The nurse came back over to me and told me that they were going to take the baby to the NICU as he was having some trouble breathing. She said they would bring him over to me and let me see him first but that the NICU team thinks he's actually a lot younger than we think he is. I asked what that meant and she said my chart showed me as 39 weeks, but the NICU team thinks Andrew is closer to 35-36 weeks. He was having trouble breathing and that his "features" were premature even though he was 8lbs 4oz. When they brought him over to me I could immediately see what they were talking about. Although he was a good size baby his face just seemed a lot smaller. He had lots of wrinkly skin and just looked tiny.

I went into recovery and my dad and stepmom came in and I started telling them what was going on. We said how much sense that makes because the amnio had come back SO immature that we were questioning it. I had asked my OB "could something be wrong? It doesn't make sense for the levels to be SO low this late in pregnancy." Well it DOES make sense if I was actually only 31-32 weeks along at the amnio instead of the 36 we though I was.

Andrew has been in the NICU since.he had to be intubated and put on a ventilator. He has been given two doses of surfactant and was requiring pretty significant help breathing.

Let me tell you it has been the hardest thing I've gone though EVER I think. I've broken down more times in the last 4 days than I've done my entire life. Just seeing another baby being wheeled into the room next to me was enough for me to break down. A nurse walking into my room and asking where my baby was would cause me to start crying. I told Roy "do you realize how hard it is to hear a baby crying in the room next to you and knowing your baby isn't with you?" Just looking at Andrew with all the tubes and wires all over him just caused me to break on more than one occasion.

Andrew received his second dose of surfactant (which required him to be intubated again to do) and has gotten a spinal tap to check for menengitis, and a head ultrasound to check for brain bleeds. He had an umbilical line placed to be able to draw blood for blood gas level checking without having to poke him a million times each day. He was put on an IV to give him vitamins and minerals. He had a feeding tube placed to be able to remove fluid and air from him belly (which gets there due to the oxygen they have him on). He is now on a CPAP machine and making tons of progress. If you're on my facebook you already know all the nitty gritty details. If you aren't on my facebook go ahead and add me to find out! You can find my facebook on the front page of my diary.

It's now 5am and I just finished pumping. I am home now, without Andrew. And again it's been SO difficult. But I just keep telling myself "he'll be home soon."

I wish I knew who to "blame" for all this. But then I tell myself "having someone to blame isn't going to do anything to help Andrew." Roy keeps saying if Andrew IS only 35-36 weeks and was 8lbs 4oz he almost certainly would have ruptured me if I had gone full term.

SO I'm gonna end this now and just ask for any thoughts and prayers as we continue our NICU journey and pray that Andrew can come home soon and be with us like it should be.

That last pic was taken during the rare 5 minutes they remove all the tubes and wires to rub him.

Wednesday, November 3, 2010

It was a "no go".

So Monday morning I woke up and got all the boys off to school.  My husband had taken off work that day to be able to attend my son's "pumpkin run" at school and also because of my amnio that afternoon to check on the lung maturity of the baby.  If his lungs were ready we were scheduled to deliver Tuesday afternoon.

After taking the boys to school, hubby and I went to Target and I got 2 new nursing bras and 1 new nursing tank top.  We then went to Costco and got a couple items.  After that we came home and I sat down at the computer and got on facebook.  My Mother in law called then and I was talking to her and all of the sudden I went "OH CRAP!!!!"  My husband came running out of the bedroom and I looked at him and said "Aidan's pumpkin run!!"  I looked at the clock and it said "11:06".  My son's pumpkin run was from 10:45-11:45am.  I don't know why or how but somehow I had COMPLETELY forgotten about it!  We talked about it all weekend, hubby stayed home to go, my son had said to us that morning how excited he was that we were gonna be there and now we had forgotten!  We jumped in the car and I thanked the heavens above that we live literally 2 blocks from the school.  We got to the school and got out of the car JUST in time to see him run by us.  We yelled "Go Aidan!!" and he looked over and smiled and started running as fast as he could.  We walked up the field and saw him cross the finish line.  He came over to us all out of breath and told us he had gotten 116 "points" but didn't know what place he was.  He said over and over "thank you for coming to cheer me on!"  Talk about guilt!!  I was SO upset that I had forgotten.  He then went inside and I looked at my husband and said "Are you serious?? We got here just in time to see him cross the finish line and now I have to walk all the way back to the car?!"

We got back home and I sat back down and called my mother in law back.  My husband left to go to the gym. A little bit later I look at the clock and it said "11:49"  "OH MY GOD!!!"  I have to pick up Avery at 11:50 from preschool!!  What in the world was up with me?!?  I jumped up and took off out of here and thanked the stars above AGAIN that we live SO close to his preschool too!  Got to the preschool and got out of the car as the front doors opened and the teacher walked them out.  Seriously, what else was I gonna forget that day??

Got home and fed Avery some lunch and folded some laundry while talking to my sister on the phone.  My dad showed up at 1:45 to watch Avery and he was also going to pick up my older two boys from school while I was at the amnio. 

 Hubby and I left the house and headed to the hospital for my appt.  When we got there and we were called back my heart was pounding.  I seriously didn't know what to expect and all I could think about was how I wonder what the chances are that his lungs are mature at 36 weeks.  They did an ultrasound first and measured him and guesstimated his weight at 7lbs.  They then decided the best place to "go in" was at the very top of my stomach right under my boobs.  Since the baby is taking up SO much room in my belly this was the one spot where there was a pocket of fluid (between his legs) where they felt they weren't gonna risk him moving and sticking him with the needle.  They covered my belly in iodine, put sterile drapes around my belly and told me "don't touch anything!" At that point there I closed my eyes (I was told not to look at the needle by multiple people who had amnio's before!).  She said "a little pinch" and I felt the pinch of the needle.  That didn't hurt.  I'm used to needles and they don't bother me.  But with an amnio I kind of describe it like an IV.  First the needle goes in, but then they remove the needle and it's a little catheder type straw that is what they suck the fluid out with.  The needle didn't bother me.  When they were pushing the straw threw my belly is when it bothered me.  Not really "painful" but definitely not comfortable.  I could feel myself tensing up and just kept repeating "relax it will hurt less."  30 seconds later the procedure was complete and she showed me the fluid they had taken out.  I was then taken to another room and put on monitors for an hour to make sure I didn't go into labor and the baby tolerated the procedure well.  I was told I'd have results that evening and the nurse said if I didn't hear by 9pm to call the doctor on call.

We went home and I spent the rest of the evening just waiting for the phone to ring.  I am SO not good at the waiting game!  At 9pm I STILL hadn't heard anything so I called the answering service at my OB's office.  The doctor on call ended up calling me back and of course the doc on call is one that I have NOT liked the entire pregnancy.  The first thing she said to me was "you are so impatient".  Excuse me?!!  My procedure was at 2pm and it was now 9pm! I was TOLD to call by 9pm if I hadn't heard, I don't think I'm impatient at all!  She then told me she had just gotten the results back and they came back "immature" she said "I was going to talk to the other specialist but since you're so impatient I called you first.  At this point I do not think you should have your cesearean tomorrow."

I hung up with her and cried.  I cried because I am SO uncomfortable.  I cried because she was SO rude to me.  I cried because I just had this feeling he wasn't going to be ready.  I just cried.

Tuesday morning I woke up and prepared to go to my regularly scheduled OB appt.  Before I left I got a phone call from my regular OB.  She said she was "so disappointed". I said "you are!?!" and she laughed and said "well disappointed for YOU!"  She then told me not only did it come back immature, but it came back "VERY immature."  She said a typical maturity level is 55 and his was a level 6!  She said "at this point here we don't even think we should deliver you NEXT week!  I think we need to wait till 38 weeks."  She said she needed to talk to the whole baseball team of specialists they have scheduled to be in the OR and we would see if we could schedule everyone for either the 16th or 17th.

Again I just felt crushed.  Now not only was I not having my baby that day, but I wasn't even going to have relief in a week!  I mean don't get me wrong, I don't want him born if he isn't ready, or if he's going to have problems, but I am in SO much pain!

But I'll suffer another 2 weeks to make sure I have a healthy baby.