Tomorrow is the big day. The "big" ultrasound. The whole "It's a boy!" "It's a girl!" ultrasound.
My husband said to me tonight "So, if they say it's a boy tomorrow, what can I expect from you?" What can you expect from me? I dunno! I told him "I guess we'll see if it happens." He responded with "Well are you going to have a complete breakdown?"
Finally I told him "I know it's a possibility. I'm going in there fully knowing it could be another boy. I'm going in there fully knowing it's very possible they're going to say "It's a boy!". I'm also going in there fully knowing it's possible that they won't be able to tell me! I'm not going to know how I'm going to react until it happens."
You know that "mother's intuition" people always talk about? When you hear pregnant women say "I knew it was a boy/girl from the very beginning?" I so do not have that this time. With my third son it was like I knew he was a boy from the very beginning. I always said "he" when talking about the baby. All my dreams were of a boy. This time I just don't know! I keep having these reacurring dreams where the baby is born and the doctor says "It's a boy! ... no wait...It's a girl!" Or I'm in the sonogram room and the person says "It's a girl! It's a boy! It's a girl!" so annoying!! When talking about the baby I find myself saying "it" instead of "he/she". So there is definitely no "intuiton" there this time.
I'm also getting SO nervous. It's almost 11pm and I'm still awake because I just can't fall asleep! It's the last night of wondering (hopefully). It's the last night where I can keep thinking it's possible that I may get my daughter I've always wanted and dreamed of. As of tomorrow I know that dream/hope will either become a reality or will be gone forever. There will be no more babies in this household. My husband had a vasectomy so there is no possibility of ever changing our minds. Plus I'm scared to death of having 4 kids, so I don't think I'd ever even think of having 5!
Tomorrow I could become the mother of 4 boys. And I worry about the comments and looks. As I said in my blog entry Pouring my heart out - on being a mom of boys I talk about the comments I get now. I can't imagine the comments if I have another boy!
Then I think about the comments if this one is a girl "Oh you finally got your girl huh?" "finally a girl!" etc. And I hate how that would make my boys feel.
I guess there's just no pleasing me huh?! LOL
So for tonight and until my appt at 11am est tomorrow morning I'll just keep repeating my new motto.
Hoping for pink, probably blue, healthy will do!