Tuesday, November 23, 2010

My NICU baby

So after what seemed like an eternal wait Andrew Jacob was born on Friday November 19th 2010 at 1:45pm.

The c-section went well. We are glad that we had the baseball team of specialists in the OR as I did have a lot of scar tissue and I did have a lot of adhesions. I had signed the papers to agree to a tubal while in the OR but it didn't matter anyway as they were not able to get to my tubes. The doctor said there was to much scar tissue and because Roy has had a vasectomy already he had told me beforehand that he would just do the tubal if it was easy to do. He wasn't going to add any risks to me or fight his way in there. He told me after the c-section that he basically just did what he had to do. He got me open, got to my uterus, got Andrew out and closed me up. He said that was the most important thing and he wasn't going to add any risks to me without needing to. I was SO happy that things went so well.

Going into this c-section I was SO scared. I knew the risks, I knew what could very possibly go wrong. Before I went in I made sure I had kissed my kids and told them I loved them. I made sure I told Roy what to do if something happened to me. I was just very nervous and everything about this c-section. So when I was on the table and they said they were done and were closing me up I started tearing up.

We joked during the entire c-section about how everyone was to yell "It's a GIRL!" when Andrew was born even though he was a boy. I told my doc that I'd never heard that said during a c-section and I wanted to know what it sounded like. LMAO One of the nurses told me she was going to tell me "Surprise it's triplets!" I told her "that's fine as long as at least one of them is a girl!" LOL

When Andrew was born my doctor said "ok here you go, even though it's not true...."It's a girl!" LMAO! The other specialist was like "OMG is it really?! I didn't see what it was when we pulled the baby out!" And we all said at the same time "Nope sorry to disappoint you, but it's a boy." LOL

Andrew came out screaming. I listened to him crying for a minute and listened as the nurse's said how HUGE he was, then listened as they said how small he was. I was telling Roy I didn't understand. One of the nurses came over to me and said they were bringing the NICU team in to take a look at him and my face must have dropped because she looked me in the eyes and said "I'm calm, you're calm." "you don't see me running around do you?" "You don't see him being rushed out of here. The longer he stays in here the better!" And I just started crying and nodding my head.

I saw them wheel an incubator by my head and started saying to Roy "what's wrong with him? what's going on?" and Roy told me he didn't know that he couldn't see the baby because there was to many nurses around him. The nurse came back over to me and told me that they were going to take the baby to the NICU as he was having some trouble breathing. She said they would bring him over to me and let me see him first but that the NICU team thinks he's actually a lot younger than we think he is. I asked what that meant and she said my chart showed me as 39 weeks, but the NICU team thinks Andrew is closer to 35-36 weeks. He was having trouble breathing and that his "features" were premature even though he was 8lbs 4oz. When they brought him over to me I could immediately see what they were talking about. Although he was a good size baby his face just seemed a lot smaller. He had lots of wrinkly skin and just looked tiny.

I went into recovery and my dad and stepmom came in and I started telling them what was going on. We said how much sense that makes because the amnio had come back SO immature that we were questioning it. I had asked my OB "could something be wrong? It doesn't make sense for the levels to be SO low this late in pregnancy." Well it DOES make sense if I was actually only 31-32 weeks along at the amnio instead of the 36 we though I was.

Andrew has been in the NICU since.he had to be intubated and put on a ventilator. He has been given two doses of surfactant and was requiring pretty significant help breathing.

Let me tell you it has been the hardest thing I've gone though EVER I think. I've broken down more times in the last 4 days than I've done my entire life. Just seeing another baby being wheeled into the room next to me was enough for me to break down. A nurse walking into my room and asking where my baby was would cause me to start crying. I told Roy "do you realize how hard it is to hear a baby crying in the room next to you and knowing your baby isn't with you?" Just looking at Andrew with all the tubes and wires all over him just caused me to break on more than one occasion.

Andrew received his second dose of surfactant (which required him to be intubated again to do) and has gotten a spinal tap to check for menengitis, and a head ultrasound to check for brain bleeds. He had an umbilical line placed to be able to draw blood for blood gas level checking without having to poke him a million times each day. He was put on an IV to give him vitamins and minerals. He had a feeding tube placed to be able to remove fluid and air from him belly (which gets there due to the oxygen they have him on). He is now on a CPAP machine and making tons of progress. If you're on my facebook you already know all the nitty gritty details. If you aren't on my facebook go ahead and add me to find out! You can find my facebook on the front page of my diary.

It's now 5am and I just finished pumping. I am home now, without Andrew. And again it's been SO difficult. But I just keep telling myself "he'll be home soon."

I wish I knew who to "blame" for all this. But then I tell myself "having someone to blame isn't going to do anything to help Andrew." Roy keeps saying if Andrew IS only 35-36 weeks and was 8lbs 4oz he almost certainly would have ruptured me if I had gone full term.

SO I'm gonna end this now and just ask for any thoughts and prayers as we continue our NICU journey and pray that Andrew can come home soon and be with us like it should be.

That last pic was taken during the rare 5 minutes they remove all the tubes and wires to rub him.


passionofthemom said...

Wow, this really takes me back...my younger munchkin was born at 39 wks, and spent over a month in NICU. I know it feels overwhelming, and that putting on a brave face is more difficult than anything most people do in their whole lives. That's not something I'll ever forget. But in no time at all, you'll learn how to ignore those tubes and wires, and just get down to kangaroo time as often as they'll let you! =) By the time The Social Butterfly left NICU, the only thing I couldn't do was put in the NG tube and give her injections, which were not allowed for parents to do anyway. He's a *gorgeous* little guy, and he's made so much progress already -- I'm sure he'll be home in your arms so soon, you'll wonder if it was all a dream! I'll keep you all in my thoughts and prayers, and please feel free to email me anytime you need to talk!! I make a great shoulder. ;)

Much Love from a Mommy Who Feels Your Pain!!


Adrienne said...

You poor thing. I am keeping you all in my prayers. Your post really brought back so many memories of my own struggles with a c-section 6 years ago. Praying and sending hugs your way!

Jenny said...

Found you on Mama to 3 Blessings Firday Blog Hop! I'm a new follower! Check out my blog sometime: http://aworldofcrafts.blogspot.com/
Congrats on the baby! Good luck, my prayers are with you for a smooth recovery and healthy baby!